Through my lost thirty years of experience, I have come to believe that many people who come to therapy are dealing with some sort of trauma.  This can be trauma that includes dramatic sorts of experiences such as witnessing a crime, being the victim of a crime, experiencing physical assault, or near death experiences.  Or it can involved what many would consider traumas of a smaller nature, such as the loss of a loved one to a natural death, the separation and loss of one’s marriage, or the unanticipated firing from a job.  By “smaller” we do not mean that the impact of the event is “smaller”.  No matter what “size” we believe a dramatic event to register on the trauma seismic scale, the impact on our mental and physical health can be powerful.

The impact of trauma varies from person to person.  We know that what is highly traumatic to some people, may be a much lesser event to others. In addition, some people experience multiple traumas across a life time, while others may identify less trauma in terms of discernible events. Regardless of “size” or “number” of trauma events, the result in how we feel and how we function can be very troubling. Trauma can impact our relationships, or jobs, or physical, emotional and spiritual functioning in ways that might surprise us.  It can result in physical ailments, stress related illnesses, sleep problems, marital and relationship problems, poor job performance, as well as depression and anxiety.

A counter factor to trauma is that of resilience.  Resilience is the human capacity to overcome, move beyond, rise above that which is difficult and painful. Often times, good therapy results in the rallying of our resilience in response to traumatic events and experiences. There are a number of sound research based therapies that help to alleviate the impact of trauma. These range from the basics of empathic listening, to Trauma Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, to EMDR, as well as others. It is important to remember that the impact of trauma can be treated, and that even after very painful events, we can go on to experience meaningful, life-giving and meaningful day to day living again. As human beings, we are very resourceful and resilient creatures!

Next time I will share some thoughts about trauma based care, or trauma informed care.  This is something to look for in any care providers that you see care from!

You may have heard the adage “life is change”. We experience change on a regular, ongoing basis. Sometimes however, change is accompanied by grief. Whether it is the loss of a spouse, a marriage, a child, a parent, or even a good job, everybody has experienced loss and the grief that often results. Grief can go deep and remain for a very long time.

Grief is a normal reaction to loss, or the sudden change in our experience of “normal” in our lives. These changes can range from the loss of a known routine, to a move to a different culture, to taking on new and unfamiliar roles.

Grief often results because we don’t see how we will “get by” in the future. For instance, a happily married couple looks forward to a long life spent together. But if death comes “sooner than expected,” the surviving spouse faces the possibility of a life spent alone. Sometimes grief comes after a lengthy period of illness, and we have had some time to prepare ourselves. In the therapy world we often call this “anticipatory grief”. Other times, grief comes in a very unexpected manner, as if we were hit by “a bolt from the blue”. Each type of grief has its own characteristics and features.

The effects of grief can be numerous and sometimes mysterious. The emotional reactions often range from shock, anger, denial, guilt, anxiety, and depression. “I can’t believe this happened!” “That’s not fair!” “I should have done more.” “I can’t go on.” While many people go through these reactions without difficulty, others find the journey to be more difficult. Everyone experiences grief and loss in their own way. There simply is no “one way” to grieve.

Physical reactions are also common. Some people experience a rapid heart rate, while others have shortness of breath, headaches and body aches, or a loss or increase of appetite. At times people may feel like they have caught a virus. Having these physical symptoms is simply a reminder of the mysterious integration of our minds, bodies, and souls!

There may also be alterations in a person’s behavior. Some people avoid the subject of death altogether. Others may experience poor concentration and memory, even intrusive thoughts about the loss they have experienced. In some cases, people may become very aware of, or have a heightened sense of their surroundings, experiencing an increased feeling of fear or hyper-vigilance. At times this may involve the person avoiding putting themselves in “dangerous” or vulnerable situations.

There are some important things to consider in the journey of healing from loss. Many people find it very helpful to confide in a trusted individual. Telling the story of the loss can be very helpful. Sometimes we need to tell the story multiple times. It is important for many people to openly express their feelings, often through crying. If there was any business left unfinished with the individual who has died, coming to some resolution is helpful. Therapy with a trained individual can be very helpful.

Recovery from loss is a process. For some, grief groups can provide an opportunity to share grief with others who have experienced similar loss. For others, it is helpful to find individual counseling with a qualified professional. It is important to know that this is an experience that you do not have to go through alone.